Boundaries are your friends.

Photo by  Mattia Ascenzo  on  Unsplash

Photo by Mattia Ascenzo on Unsplash

I have awesome boundaries. Ones that make some people believe I’m a total bitch. Because any time a woman doesn’t 100% put up someone’s bullshit, they’re a bitch. (Insert eye roll)

Everyone needs boundaries. Boundaries are important self-care and help you be a better human.

Boundaries can be tricky.

Boundaries can be soft and flexible. Hard as a rock. Change depending on the situation and the people involved.

When our boundaries are ignored or constantly crossed, it’s stressful. It can create negative feelings toward people we normally love the shit out of.

Issues around boundaries are one of the main causes of problems in relationships. It is important that we know our boundaries and clearly communicate them.

There will always be people who think having boundaries makes you an asshole. Those are usually people who have zero respect for you or have never had boundaries applied to them. This isn’t the same as someone thinking you're mean after you flip your shit over a boundary you failed to make clear.

I’ve been trying to write a post about boundaries for weeks. I don’t have 5 quick easy step thing or whatever. I don’t know that there is any such thing when it comes to boundaries that aren't some Love & Light BS.

But let’s give it a shot.

  1. Know what your boundaries are. If you don’t know them, you can’t communicate them to others. Making a list of shit people do that pisses you off or makes you uncomfortable is a great place to start.

  2. Be open and clear with people about your boundaries. Some people will need to be told several times. Some people will get it the first time. If there is flexibility in the boundary, be clear about when it flexes or who it flexes for and where it doesn’t.

  3. Be consistent. Be firm. Once you know your boundaries and have communicated them, stick to it. If you hate it when Suzy walks into your house without knocking, don’t enforce that boundary one day and not the next.

  4. Know that people will fuck up. You will fuck up. Clear communication is key to reducing fuck ups.

If boundaries are something new for you it can take some practice to find your boundary sweet spot. Keep working it. You’ll get it.